Mended Angels

They were my distant brothers
Our lifelines crossed briefly, but were not entwined
Tiny moments have become lost time
and there is no second chance for them, now
I too went on a quest
chasing danger
But when I found myself facing the Knight of the Mirrors
I could not break my own lance
Whether that makes me strong or weak,
I do not know
but I wish they’d made the same realization that I did
I wish they could’ve seen, before time ran out, that they’d heard and believed
YOU ARE LOVED
Please
Let them know that now
Please
Let them see
that no one could possibly deserve this

Love is a Right

I wear two strands of pearls

The first is long and extravagant,

trying too hard to be what pearls ‘should’ be

To others it seems perfect, draped around my neck

only I can feel it’s weight, pulling at my core

bending me in half until I feel as if my jewelry’s wearing me

I often wish I could be rid of it

though I’m told only a lucky, spoiled girl could wear such pearls

 

The second strand is short and sweet, more beautiful for it’s simplicity

My being straightens as I wear it,

appreciating it’s reprieve from the shackles of perfection

Movement comes easily,

the soft brush of pearls against my collarbone

a gentle reminder that I deserve to feel beautiful

and that love is not a privilege, but a right 

Failed Expectations

I’ve always had roles I was expected to fill

honor student

perfect daughter

dependable friend

fun nanny

loving girlfriend, but

somehow all of that has given way

to endless days I fill with reading and driving

When I’m upset enough, I scribble down my thoughts

and try to pass that off as poetry, but

I have no follow through

I’ve built myself a nest out of

half-finished projects and half-forgotten faces,

trying to protect me from myself

When sleep is possible, I dream of swimming

long, graceful strokes through clear, blue water,

make me feel capable, but

no matter how hard I kick,

I never move forward

I suppose that’s because of the anchor in my chest,

which may be connected to my lead foot on the gas pedal

you see, I sure as hell don’t know where I’m going

but I need to hurry up and get there

before I forget the way

Staying Afloat

There’s a well in the center of my chest,
whose depths I have yet to discover
This empty chasm fills itself, with
the tears I don’t know how to shed, and
the screams I’m too afraid to free
Shapeless things are always being thrown into this space
Memories of people’s backsides as they walk away without looking back
Nightmares I can’t even begin to explain, and
my fear is measured in syringes and then poured into my heart
until the well within me overflows
and I have to start fighting for air again
As I’m running out of oxygen,
I grope desperately for a hand to hold, so that I can pull myself out of this ocean of despair
But no sane person would risk falling in, just to help me climb out
So I learn to float
Acceptance lends me buoyancy,
as I strive to remember that I’ve found my way to the shore every single time before

Me & Me

I feel you, always
behind my heart, I hear you
speak in a foreign tongue
that I know all too well
Your desires overtake my body
as I try desperately to fight you off
I’m capable of destroying you,
but we both know I never will
Without you, I wouldn’t be me
but it’s hard to coexist
when our goals are contradictory
This body isn’t big enough for the both of us, but we must survive
We are one soul, and
though we are at war,
I have always loved you
I crave your acceptance, knowing it will never come
Why can’t you see how beautiful I am,
how strong, as I recognize your
incredible intelligence and power?
Your will to be is inexhaustible,
matched only by my own
We’re wasting time battling each other,
when together we could take on the world
I feel you, always
your ups and downs influencing my every moment
I feel the heartache and hopelessness
at the root of your anger, and
when you lash out, I understand
that you need to be held
And I know that truths are hard to hear,
that being exposed is our greatest fear,
but I already know you, so please,
let’s get through this together.

There are certain words that make up a relationship.

 

Us.

 

Words that we hold on to.

 

Forever.

 

They mean something different to each of us.

 

Love.

 

We say them without thinking.

 

Always.

 

Sometimes they slip out of our mouths accidentally.

 

Yes.

 

They’re easier than silence.

 

Me too.

 

Less complicated than the truth.

 

Nevermind.

 

These words invite disaster.

 

Love.

 

And are nearly impossible to be certain of.

Pretty Little Thing

I want to sparkle
I want to catch peoples’ eye as I pass
for the light to reflect off of my very being
I want to be beautiful
like nothing they’ve ever seen
I want to captivate strangers
with the way I move,
my body drawing glances, shimmering
I want to be a 50s starlette
sumptuous, yet innocent
so perfectly irreplaceable
The kind of girl you
want to hold on to, but can’t
I want to be loved at first sight,
by everyone who sees me
and not to have to love anyone back